MISSING: Chapter 1

TITLE: MISSING
Dedication: For Katie, if you ever want to know.

Chapter 1: Der schwer gefasste Entschluss – the difficult resolution

Muss es sein? Es muss sein! Es muss sein! * >>see asterisk below<<<

She careens over the public toilet and explodes. Loads of vomit flood from her mouth. Her brain – armed with monotonous familiarity – seems disconnected for a time. She does not look at the vomit, or at the blotted stains on the underside of the toilet seat that can only be dried urine. This is a public restroom that provides rest to both sexes. The dark-colored pubic hair that curls at the rim of the toilet bowl is likely from a male. She wonders for a second at the crudity of such a public intimacy. How many others have used this room for their own respite? How many others have stowed away in this bathroom to shoot up or to steal an indiscreet cigarette? How many girls have sat on this toilet – with the seat down – and fucked a stranger? The public bathroom is a stowaway for stale transgressions of intimacy.

*Muss es sein? Es muss sein!" alludes to the Der schwer gefasste entschluss (the "difficult resolution) of the last movement of Beethoven's last quartet, which is based on the following two motifs "Muss es sein? Es muss sein! Ess muss sein!" In German this translates to "Must it be? It must be! It must be!"
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Sometimes her vomit speckles the rim of the toilet seat. She cringes and violently grabs large wads of toilet paper to cloud around her hand before swiping around the under-rim of the toilet bowl. Disparity. She knows in one small flicker of her heart that this is too unsanitary to comprehend. Another flicker she calls common sense tells her this comes with the territory. She deserves this. She has earned this. Es muss sein!
***
A common childhood approximation for naming works of writing postulates that a title should: identify a main character who is introduced within the first 2 chapters; identify an object that has metaphorical significance to the plot; or identify a theme that is contributory to the plot. This was a very long – almost run-on – sentence. However, most works are generally allotted one handful of long, run-on sentences to sprinkle throughout a story IN ORDER to meet one of two criteria: to present a large amount of interconnected material in a way that connects the material; or to guise at vernacular.

This title – “Missing” – aims to defy the stipulates of childhood grammar. The title is ferociously rebellious. Following the above introduced approximation for naming works of writing, one may assume this story will identify the plot of a missing child. This is not the case. Nor does this story indicate the importance of any animate object or theme that is “missing” from the plot. However, this title is not so rebellious as it aims to be. This title is neither perverse nor progressive. And so we begin this story's tale.