I began an e-mail: "I have put my life on hold for the time being to focus on my recovery from my eating disorder." My mom helped me view my recovery from a healthier point of view: I am not putting my life on hold; I am choosing to steer my life in a different direction.
I am choosing to regain control of my life. To put "on hold" indicates an intent to return or reclaim; I do not intend to go back to my eating disorder. I will not resume a life my eating disorder controls. I intend to begin living a life I control.
This realization is very empowering for me: NO, I am not putting my life on hold. I am treating my eating disorder as a very important part of my life. My decisions can change the course of my future; I choose to control my life's course. I choose change.
I am excited for my new found power to ruminate into other areas of my life. If I can have the health I want, I can have the job I want - whatever job I truly want. I can choose the friends I want to have. I can choose where I want to live and how I want to spend my days. I choose to choose for myself.
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