MISSING: Chapter Un-Numbered (II)

MISSING

Chapter Not Yet Numbered (II)

...The greater issue, of course, is that because I know my few inner circle cards, I cannot love myself. There - I've created a game even I cannot beat; I am an incompetent loser at my own game, my own life.

Fatalism, self harm for preservation, destruction of others: I permit my sins because I know everyone else around me hides equal perversions (and they do, because I keep people around me who also house and hide perversion and vice). 

I permit my vices to disseminate; I am vainly in love with the person I have almost actually become. I almost believe that I may become the person I am pretending to be, if I just let this wretched personality exist and infest for a small time more.

I permit my vices to disseminate because I have to be beautiful - because beauty is the only worthwhile end I can actually find a way to achieve.

I permit my vices to disseminate because I am disgusted by my worthless life; external beauty is the only redeeming quality I have.

I wretch to think of the waste that my footprints on this Earth create.

I may very well be the world's most horrible contributor to The Human Footprint (http://wcs.org/humanfootprint/index.html). My contributions are so unimaginably wretched and destructive I deserve a death of stone or fire. 

I am not a witch, but I am a wretch and my society should put an end to me - because I am a harm to them, and a greater harm for their prolonged generations.

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MISSING: Chapter Un-Numbered

MISSING

Chapter Not Yet Numbered

One late night below many layers of many years of dried vomit, she would somehow take a deep breath and write:

I have few things I keep protected very deeply within me, so I am fine with being more or less open with everything else.

Secret - I do not want to give up those few things for ANYTHING; my guarded secrets comprise my self, my core.

That's the key though - to get me all the way, you have to get me to reveal my sins, my vices, my fatale flaws. Or anyway, somehow you have to come to know them. But I am giving up the game now, so by the end of this story I will come out and tell you.

The reason the femme fatale is how she is - fatale - is this: she keeps a few secrets locked; she appears absolutely flawless; she strategically chooses her few flaws - her fatalities - and indulges in them enough to sustain her perfection (yes, all thing in life have balance - yin and yang). She indulges in secret, so no one knows she is with vice.

I have become to depend on my bestiality. I am horrible and wretched with sin, and my sins grow inside me - more horrible, more wretched, more strong, and more intense. Each day I protect them they grow; I am the portrait of Dorian Gray: my survival depends on my ability to conceal.

If I give up my vices, I will not be able to sustain perfection, but if I revealed my vices, I will be wretched to society, and who but a desperate pathetic, distaff could ever want or love me? Moreover, I could never settle for deficiency or impotency in love.

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READ IN GROUPS OF WOMEN

Statistics show us that in literature, the books that sell best are those that capitalize on the tendency of women to yearn for bonds of sisterhood. The Devine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood stands as a bold example in history. 

As per the Rebecca Wells’ own account, the book began to take off after it became popular in women’s reading groups. Women would read the book and share their own stories, sprouting their own Sisterhoods of Divine Ya-Ya. Wells is able to tap into one of the most gold and glorious elixirs that the life of a woman has to offer: the bond(s) of sisterhood. Wells sells bonds in sisterhood, what stock would be more worthy to endorse? Herein lies the success of Wells’ book sales.

What about sisterhood do we find so appealing? What about the female youth do we want to buy, or “buy back?” What about the female youth is not present throughout the female life? What about the female adulthood do we despise as women? What about female adulthood do we yearn to break free of? What do we women wither under?

Moreover, what is the essence of a divine sisterhood worth? Wells’ commodification* net’s at $24.95, and according to sales, this is the right price. Explain to me the essence of a divine sisterhood – a fierce and frivolous bond – that can start a fervent craze among women’s book clubs, but that is worth perhaps no more than $24.95.

THAT is MISSING.

 

*Commodify: To turn into or treat as a commodity; to commercialize.